caterpillar girl

23 years ago I was in a bowling alley with my first boyfriend [1985]- first 'crush' [2008].  He had his walkman [cool 80's version of an iPod] and put the headphones on my ears and said: 'this song reminds me of you'.  The Caterpillar~ the Cure

you flicker
and you're beautiful
you glow inside my head
you hold me hypnotized
i'm mesmerized
your flames
the flames that kiss me dead

Not sure why-- but i'll remember that for always.

So- here we are... mom and daughter, bowling alley, in Tampa.  This was last month. 

Next weekend we will officially sleep at the new place. I feel like I currently am residing in a big, empty, cold castle.  it's sad:(  I just walked around and counted... i know that sounds weird. but i counted the 41 doors I painted white.  The 4 large walk-through windows, painted white.  41 Windows painted white and countless feet of trim and moldings.  On the 2nd floor- I hung wood blinds on 19 [of the 41 ] windows.  Larry was away for work. I was  home with the girls, the blinds came the day after I was awoken the night before at 3am.  I awoke to someone singing/talking to me and the tv in the kitchen was turned on.  For some reason I thought if I were to hang the blinds- nothing bad could happen to me??. I know- makes zero sense. It just felt creepy feeling slightly isolated- yet having the whole world being able to 'look in'.  The blinds were all averaged around 40x70.  but each one went to a certain window.  Some were 39.5 x 69, 40 x 68.5 and so on.  I measured all the windows and had them custom.  With 150 year old windows- and nothing remaining prefect-- not all the sizes were exactly the same.  

I really could never picture myself living here when I'm 70- it's a lot of work!! In the same breathe- I never particularly pictured myself leaving here, either.  It's going to be a sad day- leaving this home. 

Old woman!

so- yeah, i'm an old lady! a year shy of 40, yuck. 40 sounds old. I know it's not- but when you were 22- well, 40 seemed so godawful! and so far far a way. 

Anyway- old lady [I] aka: college student.  So- the highlight of this school day- kayak boy talked to me! Yes, i do realize I'm basically old enough to be his mamma.  It's not like I said: I'm dating kayak boy-- but simply I carried on a conversation with kayak boy.  Clever and Cute- he is. Hence the name due to the kayak he had on his toaster-style eco-friendly car, one morning.  If I were 18 - I would NO DOUBT be going after that.....  

Next week- I'm taking Alex and Co. to see Jack's Mannequin.  It's in a great little venue= which equals= good show.  I like small venues:)  dear jack-  donate to cancer, please. 

sing me a lullaby~

okay- I really think Brandon Flowers is a beautiful human.  Incredibly sexy- good looking and divine, all rolled-up into one. 

Anyway- I'm suddenly digging the new Killers song-  Human. I'll admit I thought it was really corny at first.  [I can't stand the chorus]  but put that thing on your iPod and listen to a few 100times, over and over [and over again] and it grows on you a bit.  Perhaps because I was a huge Duran Duran fan [in my youth:) ] and Human has that whole '80's vibe-thing goin' on.  that little bouncy-dance-beat.  hmmmm.....  he's still eye candy no matter  how you slice it. 

all glammed up

Alex's homecoming dance is coming up

next weekend.  We went looking for a dress yesterday and found 2- both in the Free People section. Both were super cute on-

and we couldn't decide.... so we did what any normal girl would do- we bought both.   I think she'll go with the blue for homecoming and save the black for this other 'date' dance thing they have.  Granted- they look a bit more classier on her-- no lace bra hanging out....

I have some major school junk due/to tend to. I suck at stuff like this. Keeping on track- on schedule.  I can accomplish massive amounts of stuff [I've renovated numerous homes, have played general contractor, etc...] but when it comes to junk I don't want to deal with- i have poor time management skills.  It's still early in the morning. I have some more studying to do- hit the elliptical and weights- shower- school, take nasty test... then deal with psy and statistics. Every time i get 'even' i promise to myself that 'I'm going to stay on top of it!' I always let myself down... liar. liar.

Smashing Pumpkins-- rather, should say: Billy and Jimmy and random assortment of musicians [i think??] Were in NJ this past weekend. I didn't go. Imagine that???!!! I'm rather surprised myself. It's not the same, the setlists suck! And I think I grew up and out of the need to see the pumpkins. If it was Jimmy Eat World-- I'd be there:)  Plus- I was going to go with the BFF- and I wasn't  in the mood for that one either. He drinks way too much!!! Atlantic City [where pumpkins played] is his favorite playing field- and I didn't feel like being babysitter, man watcher, etc...  Last time we went to AC- I didn't get home until 7am. I can't do that right now.  I'll admit- it was a lot of fun:) Maybe I'm not up for fun? Instead I was in Lancaster, Pennsyltucky.  Saw the Amish Folk-- had a lot of laughs [with my sis- and our daughters] and drove a lot. 

how people have faith-

I have some fun photos i was going to post, things to talk about, things to bitch about, things to celebrate about... that was before. this is now.

I stopped believing in the whole essence of 'god' when I was about 16? I DO believe in higher powers- just not one true god. You know the man that the churches shame you into believing.  With their cynical hype 'god is watching' 'would jesus approve' 'wwjd' OR the good ol' catholic who drink, smokes, swears, has sex, gambles, steals, but then can go to confession--- and 'all is forgiven in god's eyes'.....  

when a pretty overwhelming autumn was dealt to me- my mom made some dumbass comment:  'they say god never gives  you more than you can handle'.  wtf is that??? So- the young mom who has just been told that her child has cancer-- she can handle that?? god dished her out- what she could handle?  A few years ago 4 teens from our town are all killed by a drunk driver. Naturally the waste-of-life drunk driver lives, the 4 young girls die.  Where their parents dealt something they could handle???  The world is a pretty screwed up place. We make our own positive energy. We do this by being, doing, giving.  Things don't magically happen because I pray to god, the boogieman or the moon and stars.  [star bright, star light]  Things happen because we make them happen.  Because we have the faith in ourselves, the willingness to change and accept change. The desire to be compassionate, caring and respectful.  Not to be lazy, raise our children with good manners, teach them to treat the planet kindly, respect the ocean, the dirt and all the creatures who share it.  Yeah- I sound like a hallmark card- a lifetime tv special, perhaps...

the point is-- i just got off an hour long phone call with a girlfriend who Just needed to Talk.  She's pretty doped up on percocet, so rambling went unnoticed to her and i didn't mind one bit. She's doped on percocet to help her deal with the pain of her stage 4 colon cancer. she's 36, with a husband who loves her and 2 kids who need her.  Has this family been 'dealt' something they can handle??? A beautiful soul has stage 4 cancer....yet the streets are filled with loser drug addicts? alcoholics and child molesters.  And people believe in a god of goodness???? Have fun with that. 

an email

Okay- so here's an interesting little email- between ME and Anna's girl scout leader.  Anna's b-day is Saturday:) And it's my turn to bring in snack- so I was going to bring in cupcakes, for the birthday celebration.  Mind you- I will be bringing in cupcakes for school-- and then on Saturday, for field hockey.  So it goes like so:  [she also mentioned something about siblings--- the leaders kids.

I write:

On Thu, Oct 16, 2008 at  8:53 AM, Cris B. wrote:
hi Cheryl-
I was going to bake cupcakes. 

how many girls are in the troop this year?
how many siblings are we talkin' :) 

She writes: 

Cris,
      We now have 21 or 22 girls, Olivia S. just joined.  Sibling wise we have Christa's 2 boys (possibly), my son (possibly, hopefully not), Lyndsey D., but she should be having snack with her troop, we are walking with the 2nd grade Brownies (Patti's other Troop), I don't know if Kim D. is bringing Tori or not - I am not being very helpful am I?  Could you bake an extra dozen?  I am no baker and do not know how much more work this is.  I do not know exactly how many extra parents are coming yet.

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So-- is this lady on crack?? She thinks I'm going to be baking cupcakes for siblings- some other mom- and her daughter [this lady is not a leader] and then EXTRA parents.  Is she fucking out of her mind?  Does she think this is a Birthday Party- and I'm the caterer???   First off-- the SNACK is a snack- and it's for the Girl Scouts!!! not every other joe-schmo who happens to be in the vicinity.  AND-- NONE of these bloody cows need a cupcake!  

Yeah, maybe I'm bitter.. i don't care.  Store bought cookie cake it is!!!

Before-

A Before shot of what is going to essentially be 'my room'.   As head-designer, I think I'm pretty much aloud to claim a room - eh??  The ugly shelves had to go! I knew what I'd find behind them-- and sure enough: 

The After- I really do like/love this room. I'm working on the next room currently.  Same Sea Salt ceiling colour-  with pewter walls.  It's turning out great!- I'll have photos once it gets some furniture in it.  What's really sad- is I'm able to furnish these rooms, and still live here- comfortably.  Once the kitchen is done- then the beds will come over. Whatever is left here-- being sold! Downsizing sucks- and is liberating all at the same time:/  oh well....